(...or, why I am drawn to Bikram Yoga…the short version)
"The trouble with most of us is that we'd rather be ruined by praise than saved by criticism."
- Norman Vincent Peale, author of "The Power of Positive Thinking"
Why I am drawn to Bikram, his teaching, his yoga, his discipline, his attitude, his confidence.
Simple, it’s his honesty.
Bikram doesn’t lie to you. I wrote in a previous blog that he told several people in our training that they were overweight (did I mention that he said this out loud, into a microphone, in front of the other 300 students in training?) It was certainly not easy for them to hear, but it was not something they didn’t already know, either. Bikram is so unbelievably right when he says that people have learned (falsely) to lie and cover things up to save face and avoid the truth whether it’s about ourselves or someone else. He makes you face your demons so that you can get on with the task of GETTING RID OF THEM. And everyone, everyone, everyone has them. You cannot send them packing if you keep them hidden and/or deny that you even have them in the first place.
I have never been one for sugar coating. If you get into astrology at all, I’m a Sagittarius. If you really get into it, Sag traits are always listed as follows: Loyal, spontaneous, love to travel and BLUNT – to the point of (completely, but unintentionally) offending people. And while offending said person, we are entirely astonished they are actually angry when we answer “Yes” to the question “Do these pants make my butt look big?” And more over, we are even less hesitant to say, “Actually, I have to be honest, I think it might be your butt that makes your butt look big.”
This is not mean. It is blunt. But it is not mean. It is honest. If you don’t want an honest answer, don’t ask the question. Why would I answer like that? a. because you asked and I love you. b. because you asked ME and if you know me even a little, you know that I will tell you the truth. I respect the truth – even when it is unpleasant – way more than a pretty, candy-coated lie. The truth, a difficult truth, can be conveyed with love and compassion, even though it is not delivered with sprinkles on top. Therefore, I treat my neighbor as I would like to be treated. If I ask them a question, I expect they will also tell me the truth. The end.
"I love you, and because I love you, I would sooner have you hate me for telling you the truth, than adore me for telling you lies." ~Pietro Arentino
I had a friend tell me once that she loved the fact that I talk the talk and walk the walk (her words, not mine). She thanked me for giving her the peace of mind that I would always be honest with her, no matter what, even if it that truth was difficult to say. If ever there were times in the past that someone was none too pleased with something I’d shared in the name of honesty, it was when she spoke those words to me, that I knew I had been doing the right thing all along.
While on the subject of honesty, I honestly have a very hard time respecting people who respond with answers like “No, no you look great” (when meanwhile in their head they know they think otherwise) I have no trust for them, not to mention they are doing their friend a huge disservice. Oh yeah, and there’s the small fact that they are flat out lying. Sugar-coating, posturing, covering up how you really feel to look good or not feel bad or to not face a situation is lying. No ifs, ands or big butts.
Smiling and pretending only goes so far. Not to say positive thinking isn’t helpful, influential and certainly necessary to live a great and powerful life, but positive thinking in no way equals the denial of plain and simple Truths.
I’ve always thought that if you can depend on that one thing from your friends, family, lovers, in a world too full of surprises and let downs, then there’s one less thing - and a huge thing at that - that you have to worry about.
I will tell you there is something in your teeth – even if I don’t know you – so that you don’t walk around all day like that, come home discover it yourself and wonder why the f*ck everyone you smiled at today didn’t tell you...damn it!
And here’s another truth: I do not like being called a “goddess”. Nor do I ever call anyone that. I have never been inspired or drawn to that word in any way, shape or form. Nothing against anyone who is or does. As a matter of fact, I have lovely, lovely, incredible people in my life who use it all the time, (and coincidentally they don’t use with me). It’s almost as though they know that it’s just ‘not me’. And I like that. Totally cool. And PS, stating this out loud does not make me a bad person or some kind of anti-new age scrooge, it also does not make me less of a woman or an inconsiderate friend. It makes me honest. It's no different than me saying I don't like hot pink, or broccoli…or…Gwyneth Paltrow’s acting. I don’t. Sorry. Actually, I’m not sorry. I’m simply and truthfully not a fan.
Just as there are those who totally, one hundred percent do not connect at all with Bikram Yoga, and they’ve stated so. They gave it a fair shake, and it just doesn’t resonate on the same frequency for them…that’s totally cool. Why, because they are being honest. No harm in that, at all.
One of my favorite people that I've never met is the late Carnegie Mellon University Professor Randy Pausch. In his incredibly poignant and awesome speech, the Last Lecture (which I’ve read and watched countless times over the years), he states:
"If I only had three words of advice, they would be, 'Tell the Truth.' If I got three more words, I'd add, 'All the time.'"
He also says:
"You may not want to hear it, but your critics are often the ones telling you they still love you and care about you, and want to make you better. When you're screwing up and nobody says anything to you anymore, that means they've given up on you."
The truth does hurt sometimes. But the truth really does set you free.
Bikram Yoga tells me the truth. All the time.
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