Everything I ever needed to know about meditating...

...I'm learning from a cat.

I have tried and tried and tried to meditate. Calm the mind, center myself, DON'T fall asleep, be still, don't fall asleep, think of absolutely nothing, don't fall asleep. I can't sleep at night, but get me to try meditating and I'm out like a light. If you suggest to me that I meditate in bed to try and trick myself into falling asleep, it doesn't work. I've tried. Basically, my attempts to meditate, while full of effort and hope, are typically quite unsuccessful.

However, about a week ago, I was watching my cat sitting in her cat bed. SHE appeared to be meditating. I was actually kind of jealous. I watched as something caught her eye and she looked around for a bit, then back to just sort of gazing lazily around the room, and subsequently back to staring at nothing but somehow completely present, aware, conscious, blissful and just plain old being. She seemed to be the exact representation of the definition of my recent tattoo. I stared at her for quite a long time, at first trying to figure it out, trying to figure her out. What is she thinking? IS she thinking? Is there just a whole lot of nothing going on in there? She must be thinking something, Christ! What is it?

Then I just stopped trying to figure anything out and decided to simply 'be' there, just like this very zen-like feline sitting in front of me. I laid very still and merely observed. For the first time in what seemed like forever, my own mind stopped spinning wildly with its random, scattered, uncontrollable thoughts. I wasn't worried about tomorrow, pissed about yesterday, unnerved about today. I was simply here. I watched her ears move to the direction in which she heard a very faint noise. I heard it too. I began to hear a lot of things that I don't think I would normally hear because my mind is too busy being busy. They were insignificant noises…but then again, maybe they weren't. They were noises that were happening as part of the day, in that moment of time, that are just as significant as any other, only this time I was wholly aware of this reality.

My cat just taught me how to be present. Be where I am. And accept it.

I'd recently read a book called The Power of Now and had earmarked a number of pages to go back to re-read at a later time for better understanding. When I finally came out of my closest-thing-to-mediation-I've-ever-realized, I went over and picked up the book without any specific intent, maybe just to browse through some of those pages again. I casually opened the book to a random earmarked page and the first thing I saw was the bold lettering of a paragraph header that read:

Wherever you are, be there totally.

Funny, I read it a month ago, but it didn't actually sink in until I was staring at a cat.

Continuing on my journey of meditative discovery, just the other day I was visiting a friend who had gotten a new kitten a few months ago, a very cute one I might add. Of course there's a huge difference between a 13 year old, fat, sleepy cat and a teeny, bouncy, playful, ball of energy kitten but my newfound ability to practice my meditation seemed not to discriminate. It was late in the day and everyone was retiring for the evening. Kitty had some energy stored up, after all, he'd just taken a much needed nap on my stomach a few minutes earlier. I twirled one of his cat toys around the kitchen and he chased it…relentlessly. I, of course, wouldn't dream of having anything to do with his dissatisfaction, so I didn't dare stop until he decided he didn't want to play anymore. Kittens can play for a long time without getting tired, I've forgotten this. He jumped again and again as I twirled and looped the string around and around. Accidentally, I sort of just zoned out…once again, not thinking about anything except that present moment. I was not me, I just was. Nothing and everything existed right there in the middle of that dimly lit kitchen. For several moments, I felt full of peace and ease and stillness, even though the whole while, kitty pounced and jumped and ran all around me. Strangely, it was actually because he was doing this, that I was discovering this long absent feeling of serenity.

My 'meditation' was interrupted by my friend walking into the kitchen. Not surprisingly, the kitty's concentration on the string was not at all diverted. Oddly, after waking from my spell, all the thoughts that did pop back into my head were so unmistakably clear. I had a thousand things that I wanted to say right then, things that finally made sense after what seemed like hundreds of years of muddled confusion. Things I wasn't sure how to say before, but now they just seemed so simple. I was so surprised though by my unexpected stream of consciousness, that I said -- nothing. I just sat there with my mouth open and eventually managed to eek out a smile to my friend who stood there, probably thinking I was just WAY too into playing with his cat.

I've since tried to meditate on my own, without the help of a feline and while I'm still having a hard time with that speed racer mind of mine, I'm finding I can be much more present and appreciative of the moment at least, which is a good start anyway. Whenever I do need help, I guess it's nice that I don't have to look far to find one of the furry Buddhas lying around this place who can help me to s l o w the heck down and continue to remind me how to be here now.

Bjork is Bjeautiful

I see who you are
Behind the skin
And the muscles

I see who you are, now
And when you get older later

I will see the same girl
The same soul
Lioness, fireheart
Passionate lover

And afterwards
Later this century
When you and I have become corpses

Let's celebrate now all this flesh on our bones
Let me push you up against me tightly
And enjoy every bit of you

I see who you are


Bjork - "I See Who You Are"